How To Stop Being A Scapegoat and Stop Being Scapegoated



Are you the scapegoat in your social group? Were you considered the problem child growing up? Are you constantly blamed for family problems? Blame and …

23 Comments

  1. Safe fix u but punch u around. Love and safety blame and be fixed. Deflection and projection don't take responsibility obsess with being good and right don't seem fault and blame all the time. In love with opposite blame and take responsibility is feel good take full responsibility and blame feel safe. Blaming themselves how they are not victim. Automatically do it no other option if I stopped doing it. If I didn't take responsibility what would happen. Other person responsibility if they feel they have a problem and issue they should resolve it. Hyperresponsibiliy. If I was this person would I want myself to be doing that. Stop enabling. What isn't and is mine fear of abandonment and violation consequences of this are better than being treated bad or wrong and fixer. Feeding themself or pain. They don't love u. If u don't love yourself you won't be blamed. Sense of goodness. Being responsibility for ourselve. Don't blame and own your truth. Good relationship what is and if isn't good look at what theirs. Blame for good

  2. Great video, and great info. Quality is great, but just some constructive criticism, when the camera angle shifts it gets darker and doesn't flow with the rest of the video. If it was the same brightness and tone it would be great. Maybe for next time. 🙂 Other wise very helpful and insightful.

  3. I just found tapes made dating back over 45 years that had my grandmother teaching my mom how to "warehouse" me . she willingly did it but also in these tapes and letters making fun of me, my nose, said i just looked ugly… Made things up that they said I did, wrote letters that i was a zero kid and never believe anything i said.. Also sent me to a family predator as a punishment for wetting the bed.
    Unknowingly after 25 yrs … I was unexpectedly asked to go get my grandmother out of a rehab after a mild TIA plus injury to her back. I was the only one that went to take care of my grandmother and had no idea these things existed but validated my entire life feeling unloved and hated…
    I found these things I mentioned cleaning up as I took care of my grandmother who went blind many years ago so she was no longer able to see the evidence she left behind.. I always felt bad vibes and placed in dangerous situations, physically and abused in many ways.
    I was lied about and yet asked to go take care of my grandmother. My mom on one the tapes actually laughed at me being hurt by a family predator and also said no one wanted me w laughter between both my mom and grandmother.
    This abuse went deep. I had walked away 25 yrs from this family and had a beautiful life far away from the family yet hard at times w depression. I had amazing friends and the most amazing boyfriends. I finsihed school on my own and went on to graduate college against all odds.
    I got used to a healthy life and people. Then when the call came to ask that I go to help my grandmother, I did with honor. I thought it was an olive branch being gifted and I wanted to show I was honorable by accepting the request. This was done with no reserve or thought of the repercussions of waking away from my career and social support. I just felt it would be ok and with Love it would just have a way of working out.
    I had something to give. Unconditional love.
    I went thinking it was the right and honorable thing to do plus i wasnt like them. I learned and had a validated reality going to care for my grandmother and it comes w a price. I became incapacitated. My grandmother passed away recently and …. Not one family member came to her funeral. I left my life behind and career.. 10 years. A lesson learned but im left trying to now resolve what I have done and how can I get my life back. I dont regret being true to what i believed was right. Not one of the family loved me. I never knew others even experienced this.
    Now my mom is widowed and alone. Now she needs me.
    I have been drained in all ways mentally, financially, emotionally and lost 10 yrs of my career. I put a significant time in my life and own the mistake i made doing this… But it's taken 10 yrs of taking the role of taking care of my grandmother.
    Im horrified. I almost feel like a hole has reentered my soul. I feel as if walking away was sabotaged by my willingness to come back.
    Im babbling now. Im heartbroken but thankful for your video. Now I have to find a way to utilize this and save my life. Literally. Blessings to you and all that have suffered this.

  4. Sometimes you can as a good friend be scapegoated.For example a friend’s husband whom she is divorcing May blame you and accuse you of pushing his wife to divorce him.I know this because it happened to me.Sadly My Friend stood on the side and let her husband threaten to kill me and all the horrible things he was saying to me.I will never stand up for a friend even if they are being abused .They can call the police themselves if they feel threatened!!

  5. Thank you so much for this video. Those who want to hear will listen. There is no self-reflection or fixing "misunderstandings" on the part of the truly guilty one. He just labels, blaims, and stonewalls another. An unfortunate exception is when he manipulates, only to gain the position of having the final word because he sees it as winning.

  6. I just watched this,, Thank you so much for all of the segments you are putting out.. The rest of my life is going to be much better.. I know about the grieving process, I am experiencing it right now.. Yes, blame and shame were the two themes in my life.

  7. Doing with her life Teal got it wrong most women really want to be mothers its society telling them to be something "else" and they can have it all (wrong) that's the regret most women face but otherwise on target

  8. Lol I’m a total scapegoat in my family and it’s so obvious but I really don’t give a shit cause they’re all insane and I don’t want to be a part of their bullshit, never have. They tried, real hard.. fuck them tbh

    The main ringleader is my grandma, she made me feel bad my whole life for not leaving my mom to move in with my dad.. she made me feel so guilty whenever I visited him, they lived together in another state.. she turns everyone against me.. but behind everyone’s back when we are alone, she makes little mean comments that make it clear I’m not welcome.. I’ve tried to mention it to my dad In the past and he refuses to listen so I just deal with it., listen to this, I eventually moved to the state my grandma and dad lived in as an adult and lived close where I had my first child and my dads first grandchild. Possibly his only grandchild. Before my daughter was 2 my grandma decided to move to the state I grew up in and of course my dad went with her, now she says little mean comments making it clear she doesn’t want me to visit, but then turns the whole family against me claiming it’s me not wanting to visit.. lol crazy shit tbh

  9. This video helped me a lot when I used to believe the gaslight of me being unworthy to exist. I worked through this with a therapist and, thankfully, it bothers me a lot less.
    Today, this video's tone struck me as more bitter. When I was in denial and fear, I remember that bitterness and anger helped me a lot. I am sure it helps a lot of people in a similar way.
    There is more to our journey than bitterness. After anger, there is disappointment, yes, and after that, there is grace. There is love and there is freedom.
    Lately, I've started to understand where the gaslighters in my life were coming from. They felt like they needed me – or, more accurately, the values I signified to them. Otherwise, if I was really such a problem, they would have cut me loose.
    As I see my inherent worth, I see what they tried not to see. I was not just different. In their eyes, I was better, because, in their eyes, they were worse. So anything different than them was better. This, to them, made me valuable, but at the same time, a threat to their already low self-worth.
    They never needed me, but it is valid how they felt like they did. Most of all, it is sad that they saw such weakness in their need that they had to hide it with "perfection". Perfection, of course, that came with its opposite: shame.
    As The School of Life wisely states, "the primary sin of those who made us feel ashamed was not so much that they spotted our imperfection. It's that they forgot their own, and had the gall to blame us…"
    I release their pain from my life. I set myself free.

  10. It's amazing how common this is, the internet is a beautiful thing, it's saving a lot of lives. There's a very high chance I would have committed suicide or done a murder suicide if I hadn't stumbled upon all this narcissistic abuse and other abuse forms a few years ago. I had no Idea what the fuck was going on I was just always depressed and controlled constantly and now I'm in my late 20s and been watching all these videos and I've cut all ties and started a brand new life with a new career and life is much better now. I've even managed to form a few healthy relationships at my new work place. In the end I'll get educated and heal more and will be aware of the types of people and they will remain being those people. I get to live with myself and they have to live with there manipulative selves. Fuck em in the end they will lose especially now with the information being shared online and it's becoming very popular and almost mainstream. The only ones that will be hurt are the young and dumb but once they learn there free. I have a question, what happens to those people once the scape goat leaves and then there stuck with themselves?

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